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First month of year: Crazy chickens. They had plenty of room to roost at night on nice perches in their own chicken house. But while most of them perched on the perches, others insisted on perching in the most uncomfortable places possible. They’d be in the midst of wires, twine, and hanging plastic bags intended to keep them out of areas where they could barely fit without cramming themselves in or even getting themselves stuck.
Last month of year: With new chickens, repeat above. Fortunately, I got advice to block them out of those areas altogether, and chicken wire did the trick so perfectly so that…wait, what’s that chicken doing? Hold on….
I discovered my particularly special plumbing talent. When it comes to indoor plumbing, I excel at calling a plumber. And I’m talented at calling someone to fix a buried-but-leaking outside pipe too. Aren’t you impressed?
Speaking of plumbing, I passed my first (and hopefully last) kidney stone during a visit to the emergency room. Fortunately, though, this year when I had a threatening encounter with a copperhead snake at the O.K. Corral–OK, barn–I wasn’t the one who had the emergency. Most snakes I find I distribute around the edges of the property to eat mice. But then I keep my pet mice protected from snakes. Go figure.
I faced a possible flooding disaster that–see the piece here.
I visited with in state friends and out of state friends. For one of them, I edited 935,000 words of material. Hint: that’s a lot. By comparison, a news service reported the exactly average length book is Brave New World at 64,531 words. Do the math.
Speaking of writing, I learned that David Gerrold, science fiction author of many things including the classic Star Trek episode “The Trouble with Tribbles,” was inspired to base a character on me. Of course I had to pay him to be inspired. (Actually, it was a donation to a worthy cause and I got free e-books too; check the link. I didn’t have to pay for this letter’s graphics, though, which I created myself).
Happy Christmas, Great Kwanzaa, Merry Chanukah, Wonderful Yule, Fine Winter/Summer Solstice, Terrific New Year!
— Alden Loveshade
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
MOTHER OF EXILES. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” The statue of liberty.
Any American politician who doesn’t support that Statue of Liberty poem might want to seriously think about looking for another job.
An opinion of an individual member of The Loveshade Family does not necessarily reflect the views of the whole family.
Photo of the Statue of Liberty by Dietmar Rabich is under a Creative Commons License “Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International” (CC BY-SA 4.0) license.
This will sound really trivial, but to me it’s not.
I love the western television program Have Gun Will Travel. It stars Richard Boone as Paladin, a term fans of fantasy roleplaying may well recognize as referring to an honorable and exceptional knight. As described in the ending theme song as sung by Johnny Western, he is a “knight without armor.”
So what does this have to do with facing my fear? The opening of each episode features the same short visual scene, although the words are different, taken from the particular episode. But each time we see Paladin aim a pistol directly at us–at me. At that part, I always either skip it, turn away, or close my eyes. Maybe it was because the fear of being shot by a gun was pounded into me as a kid–at the same time I was encouraged to go hunting. Maybe it’s because I was once shot (although it was only a small piece of a bullet and the wound was trivial). Maybe it’s because I’ve been the subject of several death threats.
In any case, today I watched an episode called “The Teacher” written by series co-creator Sam Rolfe. I did not fast forward through the opening, I did not turn away, I did not close my eyes. I felt uncomfortable, but I watched.
Later in the day, I watched the video for The Beatles “I Am the Walrus.” I’ve seen it many times, but it always rather freaked me out. This time it didn’t.
As a writer, I think it’s just fine if somebody copies what I’ve written without my getting paid for my work. Just like I think it’s fine if I don’t have to pay for my Internet service, or my computer, or car, or gasoline, or groceries or clothes or housing or medical care or anything else. If everybody will work for me for free and give me everything I want for free, I’ll be very happy to work for free too. Until them, “The worker deserves his wages.”
My home is in danger of flooding. That’s what I faced yesterday afternoon.
If you don’t know, I live in the country in Texas. We’ve had record rain the past couple of weeks; not record for the year, but for a short time period. A few years ago, when we did have record rain for the year, I used a hoe and a shovel to build up the edge of the back tank (pond) to prevent it overflowing and flooding into the house. The path from the tank goes straight to the house, and it goes downhill. But I still felt overcautious; I didn’t expect the water level to ever go higher than the record.
Well, I checked it yesterday afternoon. The bank I’d built up was almost at the point of overflowing. The water was higher than it has ever been. My home was in danger. It would be a major project building up the bank, and that would be in the rain and the soon-coming dark. With nothing but a hoe and a shovel. There didn’t seem to be any way I could do it in time.
But then I thought of something. Earlier this year I cleared a curved, side path through the brush and the trees with a hoe, a shovel, and a saw. Clearing it in my spare time, it took me months to do. It had no practical purpose whatsoever (other than giving me exercise). The straight path went to the same place. The side path was technically redundant, useless. But the brush and trees had grown so thick after that record rain of a few years ago, I had no place to go where I could feel like I was in the woods without seeing a building. So I made the curved, impractical path–that was slightly lower than the surrounding area.
So for an hour and a half in the rain, I used a hoe and shovel. It was enough. Now, if the back tank does overflow, the water will flow over the bank of the tank, start down the straight path, then detour down the lower curved side path and harmlessly into the woods.
That path may have saved my home.
So remember that the next time you think something is “useless.”
An opinion of an individual members of The Loveshade Family does not necessarily reflect the views of the entire family.
The photo is by Walter Siegmund and is not by Alden’s home. It is under a GNU 1.2 or later license.
“In telecommunications including radio, frequency modulation (FM) is the encoding of information in a carrier wave by varying the instantaneous frequency of the wave. In practice, it is used as a form of mind control.”
This article featured on the front page of uncyclopedia reads more like Wikipedia than Wikipedia–but in a very twisted way. It was composed by article by a couple friends of this site, Miley Spears and Pope Hilde,
Is Australian-American movie actor, director, producer Mel Gibson actually a gibbon? Or is Mel Gibbon actually a Gibson? And what do Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, The Passion of the Christ, Planet of the Apes and the Marx Brothers have in common?
Frequent poster Miley Spears authored this spoofing Wikipedia-like article that twists the facts as illustrated “purposely crappily” by Alden Loveshade. The article was chosen by Uncyclopedia editors to be featured on the front page. Read it and go ape!
An opinion by guest blogger Faizeh Al-Zarqa. This was originally posted one year ago, but is as relevant today as it was then.
A couple weeks ago, we were watching Samantha Bee and she was showing a clip of Rep. Louis Gohmert rambling on in his usual nonsensical way, and she made some jokes and said something to the effect of “Thank goodness there’s no one crazier than Louis Gohmert!” At that moment, I turned to Drew and said, “Except Steve King.” I had barely finished saying that when she rolled the clip, and Gohmert was relinquishing his time to his colleague and friend Steve King, who went on to say more ridiculous things. In case you don’t remember who Steve King is, he’s the representative from Iowa who loves to say (in seriousness) racist things. Last fall, I watched, live, as he stated that all good things and societal advances have been made by white people. He argued with the other people on the panel when they tried to correct him. He is someone who truly believes white people are superior to others, and more importantly, a whole lot of people think he is a good representative for them.
Science has shown us again and again that when a person or group in power must relinquish any portion of that power, even to make things more equitable, they will often perceive that loss of power as persecution and/or oppression. The interesting thing is that often, groups who have been the minority groups are so socialized to accept the power of the majority group that they will often perceive that loss of power as unjust as well. Our brains are malleable and fascinating! One study on gender equality in the classroom showed that when the teacher purposely made time talking in class equal between genders, both groups perceived that the women were talking 90% of the time and the men only 10%, even though they each had the floor 50% of the time. Typically, men and boys take up about 80% of classroom talking time.
Anyway, back to Steve King. Clearly, he represents a lot of people who are either in agreement with his racial viewpoints, or not bothered by them. Clearly he is able to walk the halls of the capital and make friends with others who are either in agreement or not bothered by them. This is not just your racist uncle you have to try and ignore on holidays.
While it may feel good to punch nazis, that response does nothing beyond giving these people another way to feel persecuted. I would suggest another method- ostracizing them. Stop working with them. Stop tolerating them. Stop f***ing voting for them. Contrary to the “rugged individualism” myth Americans fancy about themselves, we are, in fact, wholly dependent on each other. Denying people our resources and company because they don’t deserve any goodwill will probably not get them to practice self examination, but it will force them to bury those destructive and evil views where they will only eat at the holder of said views.
Faizeh Al-Zarqa is a dancer and dance instructor who also raises awareness of social issues, some that are often missed. In the Kingdom of Caid in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), she has served as Regent, Minister of Arts & Sciences Officer, Kingdom Chatelaine (administrator for newcomers), Regent, and Queen.
An opinion of a poster to The Loveshade Family Blog does not necessarily reflect the views of the whole family.
All right, so the articles “Preteen” and “Donald Trump declares Space Force” are not connected. Other than they’re both satire, both on Uncyclopedia, and both written by a member or associate of The Loveshade Family.
Photo credits appear on the respective articles.
The linked articles do not necessarily reflect the views of The Loveshade Family or of any preteen or resident of planet Earth.
To me, Donald Trump being president of the United States is not a Republican/Democrat issue. It’s an American issue, and ultimately a world issue. There are so many problems here, but for now I’ll focus on one: sounding like a president.
I’ve listened to every president, Republican and Democrat, from the 23rd on (starting with Benjamin Harrison). They all had one thing in common: all of them sounded like they could be president of the United States. With one exception: Donald Trump.
Admittedly, when Donald Trump is reading a script written by someone else, Trump sounds like a president. But when Trump speaks words that actually come from the mind of Donald, we have what’s in the caption. And more. We have narcissism, paranoia, immorality, lies, and, in this speech, almost incoherent rambling.
Yes, we’ve had elements of all the above in other presidents. But none of them came close to The Donald. Donald Trump, by speech and actions, continually violates the values of the conservative Republicans and Evangelical Christians who supported the man, or veers off into incoherency. I keep hoping that the Republican Party and Evangelical Christians will return to their own values and stop supporting a supreme commander who is supremely unqualified for what is arguably the most important position in the United States of America.
In my opinion, the president of the United States should at least be able to communicate effectively and intelligently without having to use someone else’s words.
In the words of Donald Trump, “And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right?”
Thanks to Fred Milton Olsen for sharing the image on Facebook which is how I found this.
An opinion of an individual member of The Loveshade Family does not necessarily reflect the views of the whole family.